Sexuality

We often don’t think about or question our sexuality—why would we? But for those who decide to explore this part of their nature, it can be challenging on many levels.

In my early twenties, I was very sexual, but I didn’t fully understand what that meant for me. Looking back, I realise I often confused love with desire. I used sex to find meaning in relationships that ultimately left me feeling empty. I thought being sexual would fill the void, but instead, it only deepened my confusion about love and what it truly meant to be loved.

The day I decided to live my truth, everything changed. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and for the first time, I was free—free from secrets and the pressure to conform. Living my truth, especially in relation to my sexuality, meant accepting and embracing who I am without fear or shame. I hadn’t realised that truly embracing my sexuality would be so empowering and liberating. The confusion that had clouded my mind simply melted away.

To be honest, I didn’t really understand what sexuality meant. I often felt as though my sexuality and I were separate, walking side by side, and at times, I misused it. But learning to respect, own, and allow it to live within me was a completely different experience.

This newfound freedom also felt somehow familiar. It reminded me of moments in my life, like being a fearless teenager, feeling strong enough to take on the world, or when I found mytribe—my people—and finally felt the sense of belonging I had been searching for.

Owning my sexuality brought new feelings. I felt feminine, gentle, and soft—something I had never associated with sex before. Previously, sex had been tied to other things, often used as a weapon or a transaction, devoid of the gentleness and femininity I was now discovering.

I met a healer who became a pivotal influence in my personal transformation, guiding me through profound shifts that reshaped not only my life but also my understanding of my sexuality. I saw her as my saviour, but she would say, “No, I’m just a facilitator. I’m here to show you that all the tools you need are within you”.

The early days of my healing journey were often tricky, as I navigated through my traumas. Call me naive, but I thought seeing a healer would lead to miraculous changes and instantly make my life better. Little did I know it would require hard work, and our sessions would continue for 25 years. I loved our time together, but sometimes I would leave feeling frustrated. She would constantly remind me to live with an open heart. I often wondered what she meant by “open your heart.” She would tell me that the outcomes would be better for me if I did, and I know this to be true today.

She would also say, “You need to walk lighter through life” and “You’re walking too heavily on the earth”. As I continue to unpack during this journey, I feel myself walking with a lighter step.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that being true to oneself is essential to living well.

My sexuality is part of who I am.